1

Do you do relationship consulting, counselling or therapy? Is there a difference?

I use all three words interchangeably. Some people are not qualified and cannot call themselves a counsellor or therapist so they use other descriptions for their work. I am, however, a fully qualified therapist/counsellor. I hold a license as a Marriage Family Therapist (USA) and an Accredited Member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I am equipped to treat a variety of mental health issues (e.g. depression, anxiety, abuse), however, I choose to work only with those with relationship issues – both to help them find and  maintain a healthy romantic life. I have always had a special interest in this area, for instance my PhD thesis was written on romantic relationships. Relationships are my area of speciality and expertise and I draw upon all of my academic knowledge, qualifications and experience to help you with your relationship challenges.

2

What am I going to gain or learn from our sessions?

  • You will gain clarity about yourself
  • Deeper understanding of your relationship patterns and how to break them if necessary
  • Understanding of the opposite sex and how attraction develops
  • The influence of evolution and biology and how we can use this to our benefit
  • Deeper more connected relationships
  • Knowing how to build intimacy
  • Empowerment
  • How to create the relationship you want

3

How effective is relationship consulting/counselling?

This will largely depend on you and your willingness to be open, honest and make changes, if necessary. I can give you the knowledge, awareness, and skills to have a thriving relationship that you will need to apply it to your life yourself. Much like going to the gym, your trainer gives you the necessary information on health and fitness and you work to get results. The more you apply yourself, the better the results. I always recommend that you go at a pace you are comfortable with. Breaking lifelong patterns can take time but I will be there for as long as it takes.

For your part you need to come to relationship consulting with a genuine desire to learn, see and do better.

4

Isn’t relationship counselling only for those with real problems?

I get asked this question a lot, people assume that your relationship must be on the verge of a break-up or your romantic life a shambles for you to seek out relationship therapy or consulting. This is not true. Over the last few decades what we look for in a partner has changed drastically. Divorce has skyrocketed and people are getting married later in life.

The truth is, relationships are a lot harder than they were even 20-30 years ago. Today’s singles have no clear guidelines about how to find and then maintain a relationship. For those who want a career as well as a fulfilling relationship, negotiating roles – who does what etc. – can add additional challenges. On the other hand it has also never been a better or more needful time to build a successful, fulfilling relationship with a partner you feel truly close to.

I often see people who may be in an okay relationship, but want to take their relationship to a truly fulfilling level. I also see single clients who want to find exactly the right partner for them and not just settle for second best. They understand that picky means they have standards, not that they are too demanding or overbearing.

This type of thinking is typical in the business sector. Companies are always evolving, trying to do better and to reach new heights. So why is it that we are willing to settle for mediocrity in our romantic lives not doing anything about it until it’s really bad?

If you want a truly fulfilling relationship, then it’s up to you do something about it – now!

5

Doesn’t every couple have difficulties? Isn’t it just a normal part of a being in a relationship?

It is important to recognise the difference between difficulty, because you are being challenged to grow in your relationship against the pain associated with being dismissed, neglected or overlooked in a relationship. It is true that some degree of conflict is healthy and can actually be helpful and encouraged in a relationship. Disagreements can help clarify misunderstandings and help couples bond as they work through an issue together, bringing them closer. However, these types of conflicts are not the ones that make you feel like you are slowly losing yourself, betraying your values, or compromising your sanity just to stay with someone.

6

I’m still not sure if I’m ready

If you need to talk to me, just schedule a free consultation by phone. I can answer any concerns you may have and let you know if I can help.

7

What is the process?

In order to understand what your challenges are and to see if we are a good fit, I offer a free 20-30 minute phone consultation.

If I feel that I can help you and agree to take you on as a client, we will set up a two and a half hour assessment. During the assessment I will ask you a series of in-depth questions to get a very clear understanding of who you are and what your relationship patterns are. Many people don’t realise, but each of us have a dominant way of operating in the world, especially, when it comes to our romantic lives. These patterns are often set from an early age or created from significant events in our lives; whether or not you see it as significant may not be very relevant, what’s important is whether it’s become embedded in your identity, in a way you will not even recognise.

Throughout the assessment I will educate you on male and female attraction and provide you with personalised feedback based on your life story, helping you understand why you’ve made the choices you have. Finally, I will give you my professional opinion on your situation and let you know how I can help you move forward in your life and build a fulfilling romantic relationship.

The assessment will give me a comprehensive understanding of who you are and what your particular needs are so that I can tailor our sessions to fit you. Additionally, it will give you a better understanding of yourself and the repetitive patterns that have led you to this point. You will also have gained the confidence to, with my guidance, change your romantic life giving you fulfilment and happiness.

8

Do you only see men or only see women?

No, I see men and women. While men and women may come to see me with different relationship issues, at the end of the day, both sexes are seeking love and connection with a partner. Today’s society is less about roles and gender differentiation and more about mutual appreciation, respect and intimacy, which both men and women seek.

9

Do you see singles or couples?

I see people at various stages of their romantic lives – someone who is single and needing help choosing better partners, an individual trying to cope with the aftermath of a break-up, a couple at the beginning of their relationship and couples on the verge of a break-up.

With my long history specialising on romantic relationships, I have seen people with many diverse relationship issues.

10

I need help finding a partner? Can you help?

In our sessions together I will help you clarify what your relationship needs are and what type of partner would be a good fit for you.

Additionally, if you want to find a significant, long-term romantic partner, I can introduce you to our exclusive and curated introduction agency which may be suitable for you.

11

What if I’m in a relationship, but my partner won’t come with me to see you?

At the end of the day, it takes two people to create the dynamics of a relationship. Even if one of you comes to counselling and makes changes, that will influence relationship patterns and will make changes in the relationship

Sometimes when one person starts making changes and the other partner notices the differences,  they may want to become involved too.

12

How long will our work together last?

My work with each client is highly specialised and individually appraised. People are diverse with different patterns, experiences, family dynamics, and problems. Relationship consulting isn’t a one-size fits all solution. This is why I carry out the two and a half hour assessment, which will give me in-depth insight and understanding into who you are and what your particular needs are. At the end of the assessment, I will be able to give you personalised feedback on what our work together will consist of and approximately how long it will take.

Working on relationship issues is delicate. Relationships are at the core of our human experience and wellbeing. I have seen many clients who are very wealthy and successful in their careers, but who are unhappy because their romantic life is not successful.

13

What happens when our sessions together are over?

At the end of our time together, my aim is that you will walk out the door a different person than you walked in; a person with a clear understanding of who she/he is, what she/he wants from a relationship and how they well  go about getting it. You will be equipped with the information, insight and skills to make better choices, manage relationship issues and reach resolutions on your own as you progress in your romantic life.

If you need to extend your sessions or come in every so often to ensure you’re on the right track, then you are very welcome to do that.